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Our daily living style makes little room for beliefs, and clinging to morals that many view as old-fashioned has become difficult. The fear of AIDS has resulted in some people attempting to modify their sexual behavior to prevent illness or death. While behavioral change is necessary during the crisis of AIDS, we should also be busy asking ourselves about the meaning of sexual intimacy. We should be busy not only trying to prevent the spread of a deadly disease, but busy spreading a value system that teaches the emotional and physical immunity provided by mutually pleasing, exclusive sexual intimacy. If we fail to learn from AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases, another disease will simply replace AIDS after it is conquered medically.

The couples were asked early in the program to make at least one time a week “worship time.” It didn’t matter what they did during that time, but they were asked to go somewhere and worship living, love, and life together. One wife reported, “You know what we did? We did every church and temple we could find. We took the kids every Saturday or Sunday morning and went to any place of worship. Just sitting there together was relaxing. It was really the only time other than watching television, or going to funerals, or weddings that we have ever sat together quietly, respectfully, spiritually and just were together.”

Sex and Problems of Daily Living: Why Nobody Has a Sex Life 271 Super marital sex is the most highly advanced, exclusive, high-level form of human relationship possible. It requires attention to all of the dirty dozen. It requires an effort, commitment, and willingness to change first and think about it later. Unlike the first three perspectives of sexuality, the fourth perspective upon which super marital sex is based emphasized a totality of life involvement, a cleaning up of the dirty dozen.

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If your situation is life threatening your decision is more difficult. As well as questions like those above you would also need to ask yourself and your doctor: What do I stand to gain and to lose by going through a major operation which is likely to result in me living a bit longer? What could that extra time be like? How much of it is likely to be spent in hospital? What new problems could the cancer cause in that time? What might I die of later if I don’t die of bowel obstruction now? Can my present unpleasant symptoms be controlled by some other means if I decide to let nature take its course?

It takes a very courageous person to refuse a temporarily life saving treatment of any sort. This is definitely not ‘taking the easy way out’ or ‘giving up’. Even though it might be best for everybody, including you, such a refusal is never easy. I hope that whenever the time is right for you, you will be realistic, brave and tough enough to say ‘No’.

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